Dear Sophie and Sarah. This piece is for you, when your time comes to become mothers I hope mama’s birth story will give you strength and encouragement. Be brave and embrace the gift of birth.
April 16, 2014 was just an ordinary Wednesday. It was a day that fell on the holy week for Christians. A day when the sun was beautiful and the sky was bright blue, it was a day when my little Sarah was ready to make her way into my arms, indeed it was an empowering day for me.
At 40 weeks 2 days I was getting worried, the episode of being induced played in my head off and on. Pushing it a side needed effort; I did it with a lot of affirmation, positive thinking and of course prayers.
April 16, 3am I had surges, waves that were mild but strong enough to wake me up from my unrested sleep. I woke up with a smile, can this be it. Walked to the mirror to look at myself and to read my Birthing Day Affirmations while looking at the image of my family of 3 in the mirror, soon we will be 4.
Plugged in my rainbow and went into deep relaxation. I slept from 3 to 7am with occasional waves stirring me in my sleep, by 7:30am I was fully awake and was getting ready for work, yes work at the office what was I thinking. I had the answer when a strong surge came in and I dropped on fours. The dear husband decided to work from home although I said I could manage. So off Sophie was sent to school and he came back.
I went into the second room; it was my instinct moving me as the room was cooler and darker. Sat there and was wondering whether this is the real deal so I text Nadine. She said “it does not have to feel that way”, and then the waves came off and on. When the surges came my best position was to be on fours. I was in the second room from 8am to 1230pm. The surges came, it certainly felt like waves and it ended with a pull at the neck of my cervix. I could feel every inch of the pull, the pull and movements of blue satin ribbon widening the birth path and then I had my rest. This went on for hours.
Hubby brought up a plate of mee jawa and left it on the ironing board at 10am so I ate, sat on my birthing ball, vocalize my thoughts and visualize my cervix opening just like a rose bloom. I have to admit some parts were hard to go pass as the pulling got intense. I talked to Sarah as well, telling her to take her time, to position herself in the best birthing position. Told her I love her and all of us cannot wait to welcome her arrival. It was all good, peaceful and quiet. Hubby was working downstairs he could hear my breathing. Somehow I felt really comfortable managing my surges alone.
Hubby went to pick up Sophie at 12pm. At this point I was in a deep state of hypnosis, losing myself in a big field of purple lavender, surges very close. Hubby came up at 1230pm, I asked for the bathtub to be filled up in our room so that I could relax and I got him to time the surges. It was less than 5mins a part and at that moment I lost my plug in the tub with that the hurricane started. Hubby grabbed his and my bag, settle the dog and next we were on our way to Pantai Bangsar. We live in Puchong. I nearly had a car birth.
When I got into the car, my concentration broke “contractions” were felt. It did not help that I had to sit down in the car so hell broke and I was no longer grunting but was wailing like a Pontianak all the way to Pantai. I composed myself when was pushed into the hospital and started again when I was in the labour ward. In between my wailings I was asked my doc’s name, I asked for the water to be prepared. The midwives thought I was saying my water bag broke. It was a joke. They wheeled me into the water birth suite.
One quick VE and by the corner of my eye I saw the senior midwife signaling a figure. At that point I did not know what it was but it started a storm in the ward. Suddenly more midwives came in, tables were set up, equipments were prepared. It was chaos in order. Next I hear one of them screaming for Dr Paul. I managed a smile because I knew Sarah was close, very close. I just went on asking whether the water is ready, is the water ready? Heard a second scream where is Dr Paul. ( I later found out that I was already 8cm then)
Next I was in the water; still not very composed but the warm water brought instant comfort, by then Dr Paul was in the room. Hubby was bringing up bags. At one point I was telling hubby that I cannot take this anymore and I cannot understand why I was still wailing, again I was spouting nonsense. By this time I was on my back in the pool with warm water being poured over my belly, the urge of pushing was there but I was going nowhere being in that position. The cool and composed face of Dr Paul was suggesting the gas if I needed it. I just nodded my head but it was a big No in my mind because I want this to be over fast, being drowsy was on not on the menu. So I was stoning in the tub while enjoying the warm water plus trying to rest as well, hoping I was lucky that baby will just slip out. (Not the best of all positions we all know that). After about 20mins I said to myself let’s get the action going, so I turned around and was on my fours in the tub. From the back I could hear Dr Paul saying alright if that will make you comfortable and it did, tremendously! With 3 strong breaths and one nudge Sarah was out and I heard songs of congratulations. I felt her coming out; I felt her inching down the birth canal. There was no ring of fire, no pain, no skin tearing sensation just strong pressure working down the opening. As my face was in the water I could see between my legs a red globe with a light sillouete from the lamp stand that was used at the end of the tub. As I was on my four, turning around with a short cord was tricky but I managed.
There she was Sarah Anne Thor Juen Li in my arms, cord still attached and wailing her lungs out. She was beautiful and I held on to her never wanting to let go. I was then transferred to the birth bed and the usual procedures took place. The placenta came out the moment Sarah took to the breast without the need of any drugs. I had a very small natural tear that was repaired, delayed cord clamping hubby did the honours and all was good. We were left to bond with lots of skin to skin moments and Sarah just slept on my chest. I spent 45min in the pool; it was fast it was good. I thank Dr Paul and he said the most meaningful thing, it was all your effort I just caught the baby well done mummy.
I was on birth high, surge of energy that flooded the system for the whole week. Dr Foo the PD said I did not look like I gave birth, I did not feel like it as well.
I had a good birth, a birth that renewed me, a birth that I will tell my girls when it is their turn. An except taken from snowboard mommy production
What if ….We stop asking the medical profession to feed us fear about our birth?
We will finally become as powerful and wise as we intended to be
We will finally stop rushing to be induced and sectioned
We will change the way the world spins
To my dearest soul mate, Edward Thor thank you for your continuous support. I know my ways may not always be with the mainstream but I love you more each day for being the person you are. You are a good man and I thank god for bringing all of this together for me and us.
A new family indeed is born.
